“It’s amazing and sad what we have to do to survive sometimes.”
Cutting breaks through my numbness, but only opens more wounds.
Depression, self-harm, bullying….that’s my reality.
Sex and guys….that’s my escape.
The space between the truth and lies is blurred leaving me torn, lost and confused. And while the monsters that live in my head try to beat me– the two men that I love try to save me.
This is my story of friendship, heartache, and the grueling journey that is mental-illness.
Sometimes you have to get lost in order to be found…
This book was quite difficult for me to read. It was a very real look into the world of depression and self harm. It made me uncomfortable and sad, but it also made me think. I may not have a diagnosed illness, I can understand some of the feelings that Jess was having. The bullying, in the beginning was very real to me. While I may not have had the self harm, I understand the reasons behind it. The pain needs to come out somehow.
My heart was hurting, while watching Jess destroy herself piece by piece. I was so hoping she would find someone to help her and love her. There were parts of her story that broke my heart and some that made me want to reach in and hold her. While the her journey is long and filled with roadblocks, the destination was worth all of it.
Married. Thinking about Jace being married to someone else puts a crack in my armor. It hurts; it burns my throat as I try to swallow the acidic thought of it down.
“Well then, in four weeks you should get married. Buy a big fancy house and go to charity dinners with your mother and wife. You can have the white picket fence and everything. It sounds like a perfect happily ever after, Jace. Don’t give it up for some broken girl you slept with once.” I bite out. I’m doing my best to keep it together, but I’m slowly unraveling. I love him; I hate him. I want him to stay; I need him to go. My contradicting thoughts circle my mind like vultures.
“Jessica, falling in love can’t always be a happily ever after or a once in a lifetime kind of story. Those happen in books, in movies. This is life and it’s real. Life has no script, no outline. We broke the rules of love long ago. All I know for sure is that with you, the rules will never apply.”
Before dejectedly walking out, he stops to look at me once more.
“And you weren’t just a girl I slept with once. You’re a girl I’ve loved—always.” And then he’s gone.
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